I was terrified to become a mom nineteen years ago. I had no idea what I was doing. I had barely held a baby, babysat, or changed a diaper before my daughter was born. I was hardly a good candidate for motherhood, but I knew somehow I would figure it out. Fast forward nineteen years and I am still a little terrified to be a mom because they are on their way out the door to adulthood. Did I do enough? No. Did I teach them everything I wanted to? Nope, not so much there either. However, I did teach them the important things. I taught them to think things through for themselves and reach their own conclusions. They still listen to me, but they don’t want me to know they really heard what I was saying. Only later does it accidentally sneak out, when they share how they handled challenges. They may not even realize it, but I sure notice when they accidentally repeat the advice they heard from ME! They were listening! It’s like an invisible pat on the back of job well done. I love those moments!

My childhood was a challenge for many reasons, but let’s just cut to the chase and say in no way was I coddled. I desperately didn’t want my children to have that same childhood. I wanted them to have fun. I WANTED to coddle them. I would run around so they got to participate in a chosen activity or sport. I made sure they never missed a birthday party. To be honest, I was that mom that was so distraught that my daughter would never see her preschool buddies again that I threw a preschool graduation party for her and ALL her friend’s families…even when we were broke. I was THAT mom. I wanted them to have experiences that shaped them and assured them that they were deeply loved. The fun part of parenting was easy and I loved it!

It wasn’t too long before I realized I would have to determine a happy medium between my challenging childhood and them being king and queen of the castle. I wanted them to have responsibilities AND fun. I would figure out how to balance it all somehow. I wanted them to have attention to detail and a good work ethic, but I would finish any chore they didn’t complete. I wasn’t holding them accountable. It was just SO MUCH easier not to start an argument and take care of it myself. That had to change. I had to grow a backbone. The hardest part of parenting has been letting them pay the consequences for their own decisions. If they forgot their homework, I didn’t bring it to them and they received a lower grade. If they were struggling with another kid at school, I would advise them how to deal with it and step back so that they learned how to handle difficult people. (Sometimes I gave the teachers a secret heads up, but my kids still had to navigate the situation.) In the second grade, this involved my son giving a bully a karate block so that the bully’s punch was stopped. That bully never picked on my son again and my son’s confidence was elevated. Sometimes my kids spend all their money and I have to allow them to miss out on things in hopes that they will handle their money better next time. These things have been SO hard and I don’t always do them perfectly. However, we have all learned from these lessons, some of them more difficult than others. Every single lesson was valuable.

My point is that I realized over the years that giving them everything they wanted wasn’t giving them anything they actually NEEDED. Parenting would be so much easier if I just gave them everything they ever wanted! However, I am trying to raise children into wonderful, responsible, caring, productive adults here! I expect my children to do their best. I expect to be able to trust their word. I expect them to be responsible for their own choices and behavior. Some days are better than others. They aren’t perfect and neither am I, but I am so proud of the people they are growing up to be. If I had coddled them and taken the easy road, they would not be the amazing humans they are today. I still have to tell myself that often, but it has all been worth it. I’m so proud of them and they know they can be proud of their own achievements also. They take on things I would never have been brave enough to tackle. They know I am there cheering them on because there is no doubt in my mind that they can do whatever they put their mind to because THEY have achieved their successes in life…NOT THEIR MOTHER.

Proverbs 22:6 Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.