Do you trust God? I mean really, truly trust that he will provide for your every need? In the worst of times, in utter confusion, with no way out… do you call out to him? Or are you scrambling to reason things out with worldly wisdom and lean on your own understanding? I am often guilty of trying to gain a glimpse of God’s plan so that I can find comfort and move forward in it. God knows this all too well about me. He repeatedly gives me challenges so that I must trust him without ANY understanding. With each new trial I learn how God’s plans are always better than my own; it is better when I don’t have the complete picture. The more I get out of the way the better off everything works out. I urge you to stop operating in worldly fear, yearning for your own understanding, and trust God. 

In 2012, I chose to leave my 18 year verbally and mentally abusive marriage. The possibility that I would lose my home was VERY high; which would include losing my in-home business and only source of income. There was no way to arrange the numbers to show I could pay the mortgage each month. A less than honorable judge told me the same and offered no alimony even though my ex-husband made 4 times more than me. It was a pretty devastating blow at the time, but it just meant I had to completely trust God. Maybe I would keep the house or maybe I wouldn’t, I had to be okay with whatever God’s will was going to be. Time passed and God provided month after month and I was barely able to keep the VERY large mortgage current. There was NOT ONE person in my life who believed that I would be able to keep the house long term. NOBODY.

I tried working with the bank to modify the loan, but they would not help me AT ALL. They told me they would prefer the house be foreclosed on than modify the loan; even though they would lose $100K. Everyone told me I needed to quit making payments; the bank would never assist with a mortgage that was current. This seemed like logical advice, but if I got behind I would NEVER catch up with all the late fees they would add on. There were all kinds of sketchy suggestions to trick the banks into helping me. I owed more than the house was worth, I only earned a third of what I needed to to qualify for a new loan, and my entire income was based on keeping the house. I was stressed and I felt I had ZERO options. I remember crying into my pillow one night and crying out to God. I was VERY tempted to try some of the worldly ideas that people were pressuring me into. As I was wailing into my pillow, I felt the peace of God wash over me. God seemed to say, “I am providing for you. Why are you worried? Why are you even considering the ways of the world when your all loving Father is providing for your EVERY need?”

WHY INDEED?

As long as God was providing it was quite clear that it was God’s will for me to stay in my home. God’s peace gave me the strength to stand up to people that were financially much smarter than me and tell them that God was providing and I absolutely would NOT operate under worldly wisdom. If God quit providing, then it would obviously no longer be God’s will and I would be okay with losing my home. I remember the complete quiet in the room, not a word was uttered. God was indeed providing and nobody was about to argue with him!

I repented. I had been sucked into the stress of the world, but God’s peace was so much more tangible after this. I was able to keep my home and was never late for a single payment. God had indeed provided. It has been one of the greatest testimonies of my life that when I cried out to God, he answered. He covered me with peace in the midst of UTTER DESPAIR. God had actually been there all along, but somehow the voices of the world were so much louder. Isn’t that often how it is? The world can be SO LOUD! If you are operating in God’s will, then call out to him during your trials and listen! Surrender it all to him for he is the great provider. Repent of what you are holding onto and listen to what God is telling you. I would have been okay whether I lost my home or not. If I had lost my home, I would have trusted God had a different plan and I would have walked into his plan. I had to surrender my home, my professional life, and my worldly understanding of how this was going to work out. God’s peace is so much better than our own human confusion. 

Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.