The Creator of the Universe knew exactly what he was doing when he UNIQUELY created each of our children. He knew how head strong, detail oriented, artistic or athletic they would be. He knew. The very characteristics we sometimes try to parent out of our toddlers are the same things he sometimes uses to create brilliant leaders or artists. It would be nice to see a blueprint to know where he was going with some of these character flaws -I mean TRAITS – that he wove into their being. All I know is that we can trust God’s plan, even in the parenting trenches when you wonder if they are ever going to get “it”. Whatever “it” means.

My daughter is 19 and is one of the most artistic people I have ever met. She loves all that is music and drawing and has talent that is foreign to me. I am in awe of the art she can create from a simple suggestion or the musings of her mind. She is compassionate and tenacious, thrown oddly together in a way that makes her a born leader. It is easy to look back now and see how her childhood personality all fit together to mold her into who she has grown up to be, but I sure didn’t see it then. For starters she was the most difficult toddler I have ever encountered, still to this day…enter the tenacious part. During her elementary years, she was known for her “artistic” dressing. Before she started kindergarten, I thought it was normal for a toddler not to be able to match colors. However as she got into elementary, I decided that as her mother I needed to teach her to coordinate her wardbrobe! It seemed like a logical motherly responsibility. One that proved to be much more difficult than I planned. Just to give you a descriptive picture, she would go to school in zebra striped leggings with a multi neon colored tutu, tie died shirt and a black and white sequin fadora. Oh yes, she was a sight. I even had her tested to see if she was colorblind! When people didn’t know her by name, I would say the girl with the neon tutu, and everyone immediately knew who she was.

However, extended family members had a more traditional, proper look in mind for family pictures and events. I tried to help my daughter “comply” to expectations to keep the peace. It was a major source of stress leading up to these events because my daughter wanted nothing to do with it. One day I asked her if every morning she sat in front of her closet and tried to figure out what would clash the most for her outfit that day. Of course, she smiled. When she was approaching 10, it was obvious she was plenty old enough to understand HOW to match, she just had no intention of conforming.

Another Easter season approached and I knew it would be another painful experience to find her a dress she liked that would even come close to family expectations. It was almost like God tapped me on the shoulder, told me how much he loved my daughter and that I needed to stop trying to “teach” her out of who he had created her to be. It stopped me dead in my tracks. I would never have chosen to inadvertently teach my daughter that who she was, was not okay. But that is EXACTLY what I was doing. It ended that day. I apologized to her and told her I was no longer going to do that; she was free to be who God created her to be. It was a big lesson for me. We have moved onto haircuts that I wish weren’t quite that short and piercings that I wish she didn’t have, but she is free to express herself and unleash the creativity that God blessed her with. Frankly, I am so glad I didn’t have a hand in squelching it.

So if you are about to lose your mind trying to get your toddler’s behavior under control or you wish your teenager would see reality; just know God created you to parent them to the very “best” of your abilty, but he created them unique. He is going to turn that tenacious toddler into a leader that everyone envies because they always have a direction and the drive to go after it. That teenager that never sees things your way will create the next big thing. God has a plan, we are just servants to help make that blueprint come to fruition. We are not the sculptor, he is. 

Psalm 139: 13-14 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.