I used to arrive in church after checking my toddlers in and if I arrived during the last worship song, I considered that getting to church “on time”. I was quite content missing the majority of worship. I can’t sing, so I felt like I was almost doing those around me a favor. I didn’t raise my hands or even my palms and I surely wasn’t going to sing louder than anyone around me. I was present and if there was a great rhythm I always really liked that song, during the slower songs I would get distracted. I would watch others that seemed to be completely immersed in worship. I was kind of envious, but just figured they were more self-confident than I was. There really wasn’t any more thought than that. I was often distracted by stupid things like what the worship team was wearing or how someone was standing or wiggly little kids. There was very little, if any, focus on worshiping God. It was just part of the service that I could have done without.

After many years of thinking I was a Christian, I surrendered everything to God and gave up on my own striving and plans. I trusted He would handle the circumstances of my life because I couldn’t any longer. The next years were some of the hardest of my life, but I clung desperately to the hope that God had a plan I couldn’t understand. This is slowly where my love of worship began. I trusted God even when I could see nothing going right. Some of the worship was crying out to him in song during utter despair. A lot of the time it was just repeated surrender of my life to Him. That’s when I learned what I had never quite understood about people raising their hands in church during worship; that it is a physical position of complete surrender. Surrendering my life completely to Jesus. It was so awkward at first, so outside my comfort zone. But I wanted to surrender it all to Him. If I couldn’t even physically show him during worship at church that I truly was surrendering it all to Him then was I really trusting Him at all? I couldn’t care what I looked like. I had to only care what God wanted to see. That I was all in. The freedom in that discovery was remarkable. Open to God’s grace and love, redeemed…it brings me to tears often.

That has been several years ago, worship has now become my favorite part of service. I still can’t sing. I feel completely free to show God how much I love Him during worship and be completely given over to Him. Hands raised high and loving Him for everything that He is and everything He has done in my life. Worship is a cherished time. When I am low, worship music and praising Him through the tough moments changes my whole day. It reminds me I am not alone and that He has a plan in everything. I am so encouraged by how much God loves me. Worship isn’t just music it is thanking Him for every good thing including good parking spots and trusting Him through the terrible circumstances. I give Him praise through the good and the bad; worship of the one true God. Peace washes over me and I am so grateful to have learned what true worship is and excited to continue diving deeper into what God has for me.

If you haven’t experienced this I encourage you to surrender your inhibitions to God. This is between you and Him, surrender your idea of what you should look like worshiping Him and just worship the Almighty God. You will be so encouraged in the freedom you find in this. Keep at it. New things are hardly ever comfortable. Overcoming your fears and handing it all over to God will give you a peace that you can’t imagine.

Psalm 100:1-2 “Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth. Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs.”