Insanity….the best single incident of insanity that I can recall was when I was in what could have easily been a fatal accident. I won’t get into the messy details of how I got into this situation at the age of 19, but here’s the rest of the story….. I was driving over a mountain pass after getting ZERO sleep the night before. It was a 2 lane road with a hill on one side and a cliff on the other. I remember trying to adjust the radio repeatedly, but falling asleep while driving between each attempt. The last time I woke up I was driving on the SHOULDER of the WRONG side of the road going 50 MPH!!!!! Maybe I would react differently now, but at the age of 19 my first instinct was to jerk the steering wheel to get back on the correct side of the road. Remember I just woke up driving 50 mph!!!! Needless to say I overcorrected and sent the car spinning into three 360 degree spins, hitting the guardrail each time the car began the next circle. With the centrifugal force in full effect, each time the car would reset and be heading the correct direction I felt like we were on track again. Each time, I would yell “I got it! I got it! I got it!” and I was completely confident that I had everything under control this time….as we slammed into the guardrail and spun in another circle.

Finally we came to a complete stop in the middle of the highway. Until this moment, I NEVER had the car under control. It was the uptmost ILLUSION that I had ANY control at all over that vehicle! Isn’t this often how we live our lives though? Feeling like we are yelling through the circumstances “I got it! I got it! I got it!” when we don’t “got it” AT ALL! We act in complete confidence, yet utter insanity, that somehow things will be different this time as we do the SAME EXACT THING AGAIN.

“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” – Albert Einstein 

Why would this time be different, when we are doing the same EXACT behavior? It won’t! Brace yourself to hit the guard rail again because we are headed for yet another spin. Can you relate to this in a challenging relationship whether that be: marriage, dating, parenting, or family? Maybe it is a struggle to cope with what is going on in the world, to feel like you understand where you fit in the chaos. Is it finances that have you feeling like you won’t ever get ahead? Perhaps addiction is an ongoing part of your struggle. I don’t know what part of your life may be on the insanity cycle. However, being aware and not believing that this spin is going to somehow end differently as you do the SAME EXACT THING YOU ALWAYS DO is the first step. 

“If you want something you’ve never had. You must be willing to do something you’ve never done.” ― Thomas Jefferson

As I have said, the first step is realizing that you are once again repeating dysfunctional behaviors. This is a BIG step! It may take a few spins on the crazy cycle to realize that you are indeed repeating the cycle, but watch for it. You may have to retrace your steps back to try to pinpoint the moments where things started to spin out of control. For example, if you are severely depressed by the end of the day, did it begin from watching the news or social media? Maybe it is time to take a break….maybe it is time to take a LONG break until you have detoxed from the negativity and you can truthfully evaluate whether you can handle this in your life.

Pray for God’s guidance. Once you are aware of where the cycle starts and are ready to take some action to do life differently, it is time to lean on God’s strength instead of your own. If you were capable of stepping off the crazy train on your own, then you probably wouldn’t be reading this post right now. Surrender Everything!  and pray for God’s strength. Pray and find mentors who have successfully walked through your struggle. Pray for clarity to see your part in the insanity clearly. The Almighty Creator of the Universe is capable and willing to help you break off what satan is happy to keep you chained to. 

Psalms 68:19 Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens.

Read the following poem slowly and evaluate where your life fits.

There’s A Hole in My Sidewalk

by Portia Nelson

Chapter One

I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost… I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes me a long time to get out.

Chapter Three

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately.

Chapter Four

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter Five

I walk down another street.

This poem has spoken so loudly to me over the years. I lived it for the better part of two decades during my first marriage which was mentally and verbally abusive. If I am totally honest, I spent those years just oscilating between Chapter One and Two. I literally could not figure out how to do things any differently. We went to many different counselors and I read so many books. From an outside perspective it seemed as if I was “moving forward”, but I wasn’t. I wasn’t AT ALL. I was committed to the crazy cycle with very little hope of anything ever changing.

Until I stepped away from the abusive marriage, I literally DID NOT KNOW how to respond differently to the insanity. Once I was outside the marriage the sound advice I got from emotionally healthy and biblically strong Christians was so foreign to me. However without it, it would have been easy for me to get right back on the crazy cycle even after I was separated from the circumstances. The crazy cycle was what I “understood” and I “knew” how to react to it. It took someone telling me “You couldn’t influence your ex-husband when you were married to him, why in the world do you think you can influence him now that you are divorced?”. I still remember this moment because it stopped me in my tracks…mid sentence… Seriously, WHAT WAS I DOING? Insanity was apparently so comfortable to me that I didn’t even realize it; I had to learn how to operate within sane means. It took mentors and the Codependency group at Celebrate Recovery for me to slowly learn how to develop boundaries and get healthy. 

It is not God’s plan for your life for you to live in insanity. The devil would love to keep you stuck there for as long as possible and be elated if that was an entire liftetime. Don’t give him that power. God created you for much more than insanity. It is time to step into something different…God’s purpose. With God’s help, we “got it!”

Take off the blinders.

Learn where the insanity begins.

Surrender everything to God

Surround yourself with mentors and biblical wisdom

PRAY for BREAKTHROUGH

Psalms 73:23-26 Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. ²⁴ You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. ²⁵ Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. ²⁶ My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.